miss_nancee

Hoooooooray!!! I graduated from high school! Oh man I am so happy! Wow. After thirteen years, this is what it comes down to: graduation. It was so exciting to be able to walk down the grass, sit, and then recieve my diploma (well, the holder anyway.) Wow. Two of my sisters didn't go and neither did my brother, but I had my other family and friends there with me. I got to sit with Nicholas Lazeby, Katharine Ly, and Daisy Lee. I hugged and shook hands with almost all the staff members as I walked back from my seat. I got to take pictures with my important friends too. And I love Mr. Nguyen. He is soooooo sweet. I got a phone call from Alina on Monday and she was all "Where do you like to shop?" I told her Express; and Mr. Nguyen gave me a gift card from express today along with a graduation card!!! It was sooo sweet with him. Dinner was excellent too. Mr. and Mrs Heany, Uncle Mike and Mrs. Taguchi, and my sister's godmother came. There was sooo much food: lobster, snow peas, noodles, and so much more. The cake was special too cuz it had "Congradulations Nancy" and "Happy Birthday Uncle Mike". It was so fun to have important people at dinner. 

This is it. Congrats to the graduating class of  2006! We made it!

In order from left to right: Me and ... Julie Cao; Big Sis aka Tina Tran; Mr. Nguyen; BB aka Jamie Dinh; Buddie aka Cesar Michel; baby sister Tina; Mr. Briggs (yes, the Justin if you have been reading my journal); what's left of the JAKAN Julie and Amiee Ngo; Cynthia Nguyen; and Cuzin Hieu Nguyen.  

     

    

I had such a great week last week! First, of course, is my sister Sandy came back from England to visit. It was fun to have her back again. Later, my cousin Dewey came over from Texas to go to my other sister's gradutation. I love him so much! He's so funny. Saturday was a big day because it was Thao's graduation at Cal State Fullerton. Bad thing about that day though was my entire family lags. I asked Linda what time we were leaving and she said 7. I set my alarm for 6:30 and we didn't leave till 8:30. Argh for sister's who lag. And then when we get to the ceremony, it was forever long. Seriously. There were so many speeches that rambled on and on. After the three hour comencment, it was time to annouce the graduates which took another two hours. Just to bust my nuts, the child development department had to be the last of the three class graduating where we were sitting. Lunch though was awesome cuz I got my lobster to eat. Ooo! Also, our old teachers from elementary school came and lunch last another two hours. Later in the evening, I got to go to my first baseball game! Dewey took us to  Angel's stadium to watch the game against the Orioles. I'm not a fan of watching the game on TV but it was sooooo awesome in the stadium. There was so much excitement and I got to see two homeruns! Hooray for the Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem! We got so much stuff. Sunday, after church, I got into a fight with my little sister, which was kind of a continuation of the fight we had on Saturday. But whatever. We went to Huntington Beach and I got the best tan ever! Monday we went to the Aquarium of the Pacific. So tourist-y. I love it! One of the best weeks ever!

Wow. I watched the series finale of Alias last night, and I must say, wow. THEY KILLED JACK. JACK! Okay, I would get that they would kill SpyMommy. And Nadia. And Getty (which was a suprise).  And make Sloane out to be the Ultimate bad guy. But they sacrificed Jack! Total mind-blower! Awwwwwww, SpyDaddy. He's such a good guy, watching out for his little girl. The finale was okay, nothing spectacular. The deaths of almost everyone was like "whoa" but yeah. It was nothing like Season 2, but good considering the last three years. I saw Merrin Dungey's name and totally though Freplica was back, but the flash-backing was cute. And Isabelle is gonna grow up to be just like her mother. Cute. I was kinda disappointed when they changed the little Sydney, but yeah. They named the new baby boy Jack. I miss Jack! 

Good bye Alias. I loved you, even when you sucked ass. Gah, I spent the last five years consumed with this show. I watched nearly every episode just because I was an "Alias" fan. I missed most of Season 5 cuz they killed Vaughn and all. Sigh. Five years. See ya Alias.

In honor of that I made a Ryan Gosling wallpaper. Wow, he is hawt. It's the brooding, smoking look that gives me the chills thinking about him. I feel kinda bad 'bout doing this cuz I should have studied for my AP Civics and Environmental Science tests. Oh wells. There are still a few days. Prom is this Saturday too! Hooray! But back to the wallpaper. This style is a bit different for me. I like to blend, but I experimented with the polygonal lasso tool. I was going for a sort of "pop-art" that was so in like last year. I hate bright colors though, so I went for my standard light-brown/ beige look. The lyrics are by Hope The Rain Don't Last. I love that song. You go to let it go.

 

I finally watched The Notebook. OMG, I wanted to cry at the end. Humph. I hate sad endings.

Hooray! Prom is in a week!

I have no homework since my school has CST testing. Seniors of course don't have to take it so I decided to continue the art and made some Mandy Moore icons. 

Teasers:

01.   02.  03.

Hooray! A new layout at my art website featuring the ever lovely Mandy Moore. This one took me a while to figure the coding, but it turned out alright in the end. Go over there and take a look people. :]

And talking about "hoorays" Cynthia and I went around all of Mile Square Park! That's four miles! Can you believe that? It took us about an hour. Totally not bad, not at all. Wow. I haven't excercised in two years and I'm already running/walking four miles. It was so cool cuz we saw alot of old people too. We went to eat afterwards to celebrate our accomplishment. Talking with Cynthia is good too; she's a great motivatior. :] Yay to being healthy!

Hmph. Does anyone know how to center DIV layers? I need to center it and have it fixed with the header.  I've been trying to do it all day, but the only things I get centered are the header and text. Arghhhhh.

Eeeee, I love the internet.

Cynthia and I went runninig yesterday at Mile Sqaure Park! We ran/walked about two miles. Totally not bad considering the last time I excercised was Sophmore year; even then, tennis was so chill there was only real running during season. Wow. I felt totally good about myself. Although I woke up this morning and my butt is kinda sore. I'm not sure if it is because of the running or the way I slept but it kinda hurts. Oy!

Ugh! I gained like five pounds! I know that doesn't sound like much but I'm skinny! I have a gut! I used to eat all I want and stay at 120 but now I'm over 120! Gah! It's stress I tell you stress!

I went job hunting today! I'm on my way to financial success!

Finally! I'm on spring break! A week off from the thing that I go to five times a week is definately not enough. I'm trying to make the most of the time I have off. :] Lets see. I went to South Coast Plaza on Monday, to start things off after we went to my sister's school to pick up the iPAQ she won. I got to go shopping with Linda and my mom. It has been a while since we got to get things for my mom. She has work so hard for so long, and I think she enjoyed it. I got some new Limited pants so I can wear it to mass this Saturday for easter. We went to Costco afterwards. I can't wait to get paid. I want to get a Kodac V570. Hopefully I'll have enough. Linda wanted to buy it for me but I want it to be all my own. I don't to have it over my head that she bought me my digital camera. Then whenever I don't want to do something for her, she'll be all "Hey! I bought you your camera remember?" So I want to get it on my own. Tuesday I went with my sister to her job interview, and then we went shopping again! I got a shirt and a cap. I felt so blah yesterday. I had a good hair day on monday though. :]

I had a dream last night. I was at school and I was walking down a flight of stairs, although my school is one story. Justin was walking behind me and he started to massage my back. He worked out a knot in the middle of my shoulders and said to me "You carry alot of stress."

If only you knew dude.

 

 Avril Lavigne? Yeah I know right? But she's so prettttttttty. I spent forever on this...weird. Ooo! And I also have a new layout at my site, so check that out when you have the time.

I think I just had the worst week in the world. Everything wasn't what it was suppose to be; nothing went right. I let one day, one incident dictate my entire week. I felt to helpless this week. And after Thursday, I lost the perspective I had gain two weeks before.

Monday. My mom stayed home from work, so I thought that I could take her car to school. I couldn't though so my sister told me to start her car so she could take me. But she is the kind of sister that lags when getting ready for anything so I had to sit in the car for five minutes. Eventually my mom took me to school while she was suppose to be praying. That was when the on set started. She just started bitching and bitching and bitching and bitching at me. She told me that I was stupid for asking my sister to take me to school. It was stupid cuz I wasn't even the one who wanted for her to take me! I could have asked my other sister. I had a good morning that day too; my hair looked great and I had on new jeans. But I couldn't get what my mom said out of my head. That day I was just not feeling happy. All the happiness that I acquired was gone. It just made me so angry and frustrated, what my mom said to me. All day at school I was just...not happy. But when I got home my mom cooked me my favorite kind of fish, so I just got so confused. I knew the fish was especially for me cuz my mom hates that kind of fish. 

Tuesday. I was still feeling horrible from the day before. I was just so...I couldn't smile. That morning, I asked Justin Briggs "What do I have to do to be nice?" He just gave me that look, the same look he gives when he's trying to think of the answer. All he said to me was "You just have to be kind and generous. I'll look into it for you." Those words haunted me for the next two days. All I thought about was what he said to me. Kind and generous. I kept thinking about it and I asked Mr. Nguyen what he thought about it. I said to myself and him, "I am kind and generous. Kind is opening the door for someone whose arms are full of books. I do that. Generous is giving someone help when they need it. I do that. But why do I not feel 'nice'?" Mr. Nguyen gave me his look. The contemplating look. He said to me, "Honestly Nancy, I think you are a nice girl. You just have a rough exterior. But you are a nice person." I though about this all night.

Wednesday. I was still stuck on the "kind and generous" thing Justin had said to me. It just consumed me. I couldn't concentrate and I was feeling sooo bad. Everything wasn't what I thought it was. During break, Justin said he had something to give to me. I went to his classroom and he handed me two pieces of paper. It was "If" by Rudyard Kipling and "11 things you don't learn in high school." You do not know how I felt after reading those. There is a line in "If": "If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew/ To serve your turn long after they are gone/ And so hold on when there is nothing in you/ Except the will which tells them: 'Hold on'". Those words. I felt so much pain and confusion. Everything had fallen apart for me in three days and this poem said "Hold on." When it was just me and him in the class he asked me what I though. I read him the lines and he said "He was speaking metaphorically: heart means strength; nerve means pain; and sinew means the thing that holds you together." I started crying. You didn't know what to think at that moment. I said to him as we were walking "What am I suppose to hold on to?" He gave me that look again and asked "Is life that bad?" More tears started coming down. He said "What is the problem Nancy? Why do you want to be nice?" I couldn't think. I told him what I said to Mr. Nguyen and he said back to me "It's good that you realize that about yourself. But Nancy, anger is just poison." I asked him how to get rid of my anger then, since it is what is holding me back. He told me "I think the root of anger is confusion and frustration. But honestly Nancy I don't know." I just looked at him. We eventually got to the gym and he said that he'll look into some "get-rid-of-your-anger" hotlines. I started walking away and he said "You should try to smile. It takes as more muscles to smile than to frown." I walked home that day and cried most of the way home. I kept thinking of what I was suppose hold on to. Nothing was my conclusion. I was tired when I got home and I went to take a nap. Of course though, my mom got home in the middle of my nap and I was cranky. My mom has the habit of honking the horn when she gets home and I hate that sound. She was barely home for five minutes when I got out to the kitchen and she started yelling at me again. The sink was full of dishes from my little sister making a mess and I didn't wash them when I got home. She started yelling cuz I accidentally put out the wrong fish; then she started yelling cuz I didn't cook rice. I was feeling angry but I didn't say anything when I was washing the dishes. I didn't feel like eating so I went into my room. I had to go out so I just sat at the dinner table. My sister yelled me for being angry and told me to get over it. That was when I started crying and she yelled at me again. I went to my room and didn't eat any dinner that night. I cried for half an hour in my room. The week was falling apart even more.

Thursday. I saw one of my favorite persons in the world. I saw my other half that morning. We talked about the quote I gave him the day before: "When one has stopped loving somebody, one feels that he has become someone else, even though he is still the same person." Hung said to me "He's changed." At the moment we saw Justin walking toward us. We stared at him and I told Hung that I was talking to Justin again. What he told me next shattered everything. Hung said to me "Justin took all the letters I wrote to him and went up to the district office. Carroll told me and she told me to apologize to him." That just broke my heart. We wrote him letters for each time he left and we never really knew what he did to them. Hung said that some of the things he wrote were inappropriate; I wrote Justin a four page letter once, after I found out that he was going to stay at school. Justin lied to me. I asked him to tell me the truth on open house. I asked him what we did to him that made his life a living hell. He told me that he never talked about other students to anybody. He took all the letters and went to the district office. I just could not believe it. I believed him, all he said. We were so naive, and I felt so stupid. I trusted him. I was so depressed when I got to Mr. Nguen's class. I wrote him a haiku, like I always do. That entire week, each haiku was dark and he said "These are the most depressing haikus I ever got." I just looked at Mr. Nguyen. He said to me in a light way, "I haven't lied to Nancy, not yet."

Friday. Today. I gave Justin in the morning a poem I had written. The entire day at school, I felt the same way. I felt the sinking feeling. After I gave Mr. Nguyen his daily haiku, he looked at me. He asked me in a serious tone, "Is it just you who is traumatized by this?" I said to him "Hung is a guy; he doesn't understand." He sat in the little chair next to me cuz I was in his computer chair; normally he would kick me out but since I wasn't feeling it, he let me sit in it. He asked me again in the serious tone, "Is there any physical abuse from him?" I just stared at him. I gave him this incredulous look. I was like "Are you serious?" He said, "If there is Nancy I am very serious" I said no and he said in a softer tone, "You know Nancy, I have good news and bad news for you. This is the good news: You are a smart person; you know that there are people out there that you can't trust. The bad news is that this isn't the end; there are just more people out there that you have to look out for." I looked at him and gave him a small smile. The bell rang and he said to me as I was leaving, "Have a good weekend Nancy; feel better."

By the time school was out, everything that was bothering started to fade. Julie, Amiee, and I went to go get some Coldstones on our way home. I don't know if it was the chocolate or the fact that it was the weekend but I felt so much better. I thought of what happened during the weekend still lingered, but the girls just made everything go away. I started smiling, laughing, joking. It was like nothing happened. It was the perfect way to end the worst week of my life. The week was filled with anger, lies, frustration, sadness, and more anger. Tomorrow is the 25th, the anniversary date of my dad's death. Thirteen years. This thought lingered throughout the week too. Thirteen years. Alot can happen in thriteen years. I might go visit him tomorrow. It's sad cuz my mom has to work tomorrow, along with my other sisters. My little sister will probably be gone so it will just be me to visit him. He's just sitting out there with no one to pray for him. He's been out there for thirteen years. I'll visit him tomorrow. I'll bring him some easter lillies, if they have any. I miss him so much. Each of my friends has a father....except Annie. I just miss him so much.

This week was the worse ever. I got through it though. The weekend will end and another Monday will come. I have to hold on.

I had so much to write about but now that those days have passed I've forgotten. Lemme see....Nope nothing. Other than I love the girls.

I've been doing well on my "niceness". There are times at home that I have a temper. But I've stopped making mean comments about people...that's a start right? Heee. I can do it though. :]

ALIAS IS COMING BACK IN APRIL FOR 8 FINAL HOURS ON WEDNESDAY NIGHTS AT 8 PM!

That's it? THAT'S IT?. We waited for how many months and they're gonna jip us out of our 22 eps? That's it? Fuck you JJ Abrams!

ILOVEDREWFULLER. He is sadly what I have been thinking about lately. He was major hot in Lindsay Lohan's music video for "Over." Seriously. I've been playing that song. I just hope I don't wear it out. 

My friends and I were talking about all the shows we use to watch when we were little kids. I've been trying to remember the lyrics to the Gilligan's Island theme song. I love being young.